$half-shot.uk 'Stuck in the past' edition

Video Games

Video Games general Will Sat 16th Apr 2016

As a forwarning, if you think I may have made reference to you, it wasn't in spite but just because I don't filter my thoughts on here

I think it must be an age thing. I'm starting to get a little tired of some things a little quicker than I expected. Games just don't excite me like they used to. I used to be huge gamer. Probably would spend 3 or 4 hours a night just playing anything in my list with a bunch of friends and it was a lot of fun. Nowadays I have to work up the energy to even play Team Fortress 2. I will still play a game if my friends invite me, but it's a LOT of effort to self motivate into doing it.

It's the same thing with game development. I was only a few months back working on a new title on a new engine, and it was quite a lot of fun but honestly I don't have the heart to finish it. I've always thought I would make one good game and see how it goes. That was my life goal, but I'm finding now that making games isn't nearly that much fun for me. I put this somewhat down to bad experiences. I almost never have the art I need, and friends I know (I'm going to put this bluntly) have made very little progress in the time I've known them so I really just don't see it.

I've had a lot more fun doing general applications. Writing bots for matrix is quite nice, and scripting up bits for my server is good too. No art required, just a little bit of creativity and knowledge. Game Dev is a huge investment in almost every field and I can't stand how much it requires of you. I also don't have the time to do it now with lots of other things going on.

End of actual content, the rest of this is really just a moan at life

I'm really not feeling great in general right now. Not in a "I hate my life" way, but just in a sort of low way. I can't seem to keep the same friends for too long. I don't think it's nessacerily that I'm doing something wrong, or that they are but I just seem to fall out of touch.

The earliest I can remember is that I went to a tech group and met a bunch of people there who we often had skype calls and played a lot of games. That lasted a few years until the group fell apart and I stopped using Skype as it was horrible on Linux. From there, I joined up with #gamingonlinux at freenode and met a bunch of really nice people. We even (as seen in an eariler blog post) started a little community up from there. That lasted from about mid 2014 to late 2016 before I ran out of energy to pull that along. And as before, people stopped talking to me. I don't know, perhaps I was rude and horrible ( I know I can be ), but the fact is I can't keep on running everything behind the scenes forever. I'm only human :( . I moved away from IRC and Twitter as one of my friends there introduced me to Matrix. Matrix is a nice messaging system where once again I met a very awesome group of people.

The thing that bothers me is that I'm never alone, but I can never be sure that I will be still talking to the same people in a years time and it kind of bothers me :/ . I really don't know if my existance is that indispensable to people, or if I naurally push people away or what, but it's kind of sad that these communities break up.